oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
