come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
