I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.