I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is my life. Enjoy the view