okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.