HIV tests are more positive than that guy
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream