he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize