You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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