Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?