Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances