It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.