This girl is more easily done than said...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
