Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
