Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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