Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
