we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
