I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
