my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
