Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
