kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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