Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
