If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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