Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
