She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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