Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.