She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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