you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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