I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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