woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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