have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
