this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
