I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
