i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
