They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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