it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
