Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
