I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He felt like a one man threesome
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
