Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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