Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
