I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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