I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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