were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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