i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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