shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
