somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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