walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
