God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
