i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
