I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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