Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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