My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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