I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
