if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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