They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
