I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
