Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize