I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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