hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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