throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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