when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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