I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
