Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
