How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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