I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
