Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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