There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
