I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize